if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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