I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
