My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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