and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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