Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
