Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
