hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
