i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
