Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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