i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
now i know why i became what i already was.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize