wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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