Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
