I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
