There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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