We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize