just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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