hell yes lets make some ravioli
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
