I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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