Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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