Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize