im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
