I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
