Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
