No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize