you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
