are you still at the devil's house?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
