Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
