if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
