Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
