I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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