he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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