What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
