u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
