I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
