Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
