Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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