I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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