You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize