just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
