Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
