how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
