the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
