You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize