have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
