She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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