talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
