Farmville is her only friend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I see more hoeing in ur future
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize