dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
