I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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