I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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