Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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