At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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