She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
