he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just found a bag of teeth...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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