Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's always time for handjobs
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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