Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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