I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
