did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
