So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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