Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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