Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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