If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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