Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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