I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
