so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
