I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
