How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
