last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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