I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just puked most of my soul out..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
